Yearnotes 4

Another year done, and that makes exactly five years of weeknotes. Now would be the perfect time to stop if I knew what was good for me. Onward.

Hyperlocally it’s been a pretty good year. By which I mean: nothing seriously bad happened to me, I’ve not had any major health problems, my no-longer-new job is properly underway, and life is more or less ticking over in a normal and controlled fashion. More broadly I’m aware it’s been a terrible year for a lot of people, so I hope it’s not entirely distasteful to be grateful that mine was fine.

However, the relatively minor health problem of breaking my foot in January ended up derailing my fitness for the whole year. The months of mandatory inactivity got me out of the habit of going to the gym, and despite regaining momentum in June I failed to make that stick for other reasons. So I’m ending 2024 in the worst physical shape I’ve been in for a while, and that’s disappointing.

The main “other reason” is work. I’ve somewhat intentionally compromised my health for the sake of work over the last few months, putting in long hours on my project and then allowing it to continue to occupy my mind in the evenings and weekends, to the detriment of my ability to exercise, socialise and properly unwind.

I was aware I was doing it, it felt necessary at the time, but finally stepping away for a few weeks has given me some perspective: I’ve been caring too much and pushing too hard, and that’s a recipe for burnout, and burnout doesn’t help anyone in the long run ya dum-dum.

When I return I’m going to try to care less and maintain a healthier balance so I can halt this trend before it gets any worse.

Relatedly (?) I’ve not particularly enjoyed work this year. That’s honestly okay; that’s what the money is for. But I’ve been pouring so much love, care and effort into it without getting much traction, and I’m finding the mismatch a bit exhausting and disheartening.

The nature of my job is that I don’t have any real ability to direct or improve anything beyond the tasks I perform myself. It’s frustrating because there’s no reason for such simple things to be so incredibly difficult, and I could in theory be doing much more. I keep reminding myself I just have to work within the constraints, look after myself, do whatever good I can. That’s enough.

And but it continues to be true that I get a great deal of pleasure from seeing my teammates in person three days a week, so I’m unreservedly glad to have a nice place to go and great people to spend time with. I’m very fortunate despite my quibbling.

It wasn’t a good year for finishing things. I gave up on reading Shift halfway through, and The Wandering Earth after the first two novellas. I couldn’t summon the enthusiasm to finish playing Thank Goodness You’re Here and I don’t know whether my vestibular system can handle any more Still Wakes the Deep. I stopped watching Dark Matter, Ripley, Lady in the Lake and Sunny because they were too dull or confusing or both.

I did “finish” Dredge, Animal Well and Astro Bot, to the extent that any of those games have an ending, and enjoyed them all. Astro Bot was massively better than anything else I played this year. I’m excited for Intergalactic: The Heretic Prophet and, maybe, in a way, Death Stranding 2, sort of.

Did I see any films? Probably. I only remember Love Lies Bleeding, Immaculate, Civil War, Godzilla Minus One, Strange Darling and In a Violent Nature, all of which were great.

Music? Nothing springs to mind, especially Things Fall Apart and Who Cares 2. I listened to a lot of Caroline Polachek, and 2023’s Desire, I Want to Turn Into You was my go-to album. And, well, I know she’s a nepo baby, but Willow’s symptom of life is the most interesting bit of pop I heard this year, so we all just have to accept that.

Weaning myself off Twitter worked completely, which is convenient because now I don’t have to look at it for the rest of my life.

I don’t know what specific brainwrong I’ve got, but I do find it irrationally overwhelming to have to sort anything out in my flat. So I’m pleased I’m ending the year with a new washer dryer and dishwasher installed, various televisions successfully relocated, and my environment generally more organised and habitable than it was last December.

I don’t have a great deal of hope for the world next year and I don’t think I’m able to do anything about it. I’m going to focus on improving my physical and mental health, supporting the people I know, and making little things better wherever I can, without getting too hung up on whether anyone else is interested.

So, 2025: more exercise, less work, more time for myself and with friends. Let’s see how that goes. Thank you for sticking with me and I wish you a good one too. 🥂